Haays. Depressing Events

The start of this semester is tiring me way down. I feel so pressured that I feel am breaking down and it’s actually making me nuts. The new grading system of the university doesn’t only bring chills to my spine but to everybody. Despite having efforts, it doesn’t really seem enough. I really don’t know what to say or to react when I heard the news from the other section which had only 3 students who actually passed.
Take note of the word. Passed?! They only passed but not to make it to the retention grade we are supposed to reach? Waah! I know for one my performance this prelims isn’t good enough. I start to think of negative thoughts and I feel bad about it. *sigh*

Heartless Words.

Let me share something to you my dear blog. I suppose the role of having you and keeping you is for you to be my best friend in times likes this when loneliness steps in. As a person having nobody to rely on, is a damn messed up feeling. I feel crappy today. Oh well here goes nothing.
I dunno if somebody might be able to read this. But I still wonder if somebody has the same feeling just like mine. Maybe I am lucky in several aspects of life, being able to study and all. However, what is life really all about. I don’t blame God for the trials I am at but still I question him why is it meant to be this way.
Just earlier, my sister and I had a fight. Yes, I know its normal for siblings to fight, but how normal is it for siblings to be involved in a physical outburst? I bet normal siblings don’t do that. My blog, I would share to you what it is all about. I have a sister. She is the eldest among us but to be honest, she doesn’t act like one. So as I was saying, she isn’t much of a sister at all. I know for one that the eldest child must be responsible and must be of help to their parents. But come on, she isn’t even near of any of that. Want to know why? Here I will tell you.
My sister always brags about her college degree. As if that means something? As if she actually gets a use of it. Anyway, she’s a graduate of BS Hotel and Restaurant Management. My relatives and parents did everything they can to have her enter and work in a high-end shipping company, but guess what she did. She ended up being impregnated by a guy who is just separated from his wife?! God damn it, she always says her disgust towards my father’s mistress and now she does WHAT?! Hahahaha! This is quite a laugh really. It’s ironic how stupidity sets in. Talk about morality and using the head. She comes back having impregnated and that’s not all.
Actually, she made my mom pay all her credit card debts. She even can’t admit where she got to use the money. Now she has the nerve to be selfish to my mom in everything?! What a shit. Really, what nerves she has. Oh well, and she actually thinks she can deceive me with some expenses? I am not stupid like her. Hahaha! Oh well, good luck to her. For sure karma will be coming down to her in due time for all her sins since she isn’t even giving it considerations to repent.

Geez..

I don’t know what you are to feel if you are to be in my place now. Honestly, I would have even wondered what you would do if you were in my shoes. I am my mother’s daughter. A girl born under a very complicated family status. Currently, I am at an age where most individuals ought to enjoy themselves more in the limelight of limits. But it’s not the case with me.
LOL, I am actually in a family where in you would actually feel crappy. Oh come on, we are not that rich family, nor to be considered as average. Geez, if it weren’t for my aunt’s good will, I won’t be able to study in college.
Long ago, as a child I was quite proud to say who was my father and what was he like. However, every changed since that day. Today, I say either that my father is dead or that he already left us, or he has already another family and doesn’t give a damn about us anymore. But honestly, I wish it was the first choice, I may sound as awful as I can be, I really hope that he dies. Not only him, but also his mistress and their sons. You see, my father has another family. It would have been good if the other woman was better than my mom, but damn it all she is nothing but a bitch. The woman used to work for us as a maid and purposely tempted my father. Lmao. Wearing skimpy shorts and such which eventually ended on being impregnated.
Disgust floods my thoughts as a child during those times. Geez, my mom looks hell better than that bitch. So okay, my philanderer dad forcedly made us accept the fact that he has now another family. How dare him to make my mom take care of those children. You read it right, CHILDREN!! Now, they have 3 children, and God knows where they came from. I am saying everything here because I really can’t bear it anymore. From that day on, I feel bad and shattered. I came to a point of enveloping myself in utmost hatred and anger. I found myself in a rebellious state that I neglected my studies. Furthermore, it only reached that point. I was careful enough not to risk my future into something worse.
Anger worsens as time passes by, who wouldn’t right? Having to see your mother being hurt by emotional and physical torture. My mother is the only one that supports my basic needs you see. I bet you would do things worse if you see your mother maltreated that way. Then again, that man actually says that I must respect him?! You have got to be kidding right?! Even though I was raised and came from that man, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I was meant to fake respect, trust and love. I dunno for you guys, but really now, those 3 things for me are meant to be earned and not demanded for. I don’t have any obligations anymore to that asshole since the day that he did that to my mother.
Let me clarify this, every single penny that I have comes from my mother. It’s all from the blood and sweat of my mother. So that asshole doesn’t have a right to say how a stupid bitch I can be. He can rant all he wants but I won’t even budge in every rant he has to say. Even if he is to die, I wouldn’t even shed a tear to for him. That is the person that he made me to be. I will wait for the day patiently that I would be able to see him in his deathbed. This is the most heartless wish I certain have.
Talk about having bad luck in life. LOL.

Missing SS501

It's not that I don't have anything to do.

Actually I have so many things to do. But I couldn't help it and miss them. I really assume their will be good news to come. :)

Loving SS501 from the bottom of my Heart.

As I am doing this entry, I couldn’t help but reflect and reflect. I feel so much loneliness and hurt as I type this. My heart couldn’t help it but cry and be broken. Tears flow down into my cheeks. It hurts so much.

Memories are coming back to me. I listen to the voices of 5 boys. Voices of which has captivated my endearing heart for a very long time. It surely has been a while ever since I had been hooked with them. Five wonderful beings that currently reside in the far country of South Korea. I wasn’t there to support them from the beginning of their career but it doesn’t mean I love them less than the other fans that love them dearly. These 5 wonderful and gifted persons mean a lot to me. Just like any other fan, I admire and idolize them. It is funny that despite the language barrier, it didn’t hinder me to love them more and more as each passing day. I admire them not only for their good looks but also for their wonderful souls.

Recently their contract with the DSP entertainment ended and several rumors were confirmed. Honestly, I am worried. It pains me if rumors of them breaking apart would come true. Oh please, don’t make that happen. Don’t make the 5 princes be apart.

The beloved Korean idol group SS501, the Triple S, your loving fans, will always support you in every endeavor you aspire for. As a member of the green peas, I hope we would be hearing good news about you guys. Heaven knows how much I miss hearing about you guys, watching videos and seeing how happy you guys are together bring tears to my eyes. Hearing your music makes my heart sad. I wish good news is meant to come.

I have several messages to you guys, even if I know this won’t be able to reach you.

To Kim Hyun-Joong, our lovable and adorable 4D-shillang, I know that you always do your best in everything you do. In the path you are taking, please don’t tire yourself so much. I hope that “Mischievous Kiss” would have high ratings. 

To Heo Young Saeng, the charming shy otter prince, I have becoming sad not having to hear any news about you. Hope you’re doing fine and are in good health. You’re my favorite among all of the SS501, having a very nice voice. Your compositions are very touching despite their sorrowful meanings. Smile always, Otter Prince. 

To Kim Kyu Jong, the kind center, hope that the kind and sweet center of SS501 is doing fine. I haven’t also heard any news from you yet. Oh dear me, I’m missing your voice and cute antics on the videos. Stay health and wish you all the best oppa!
To Park Jung Min, the ever so sexy charisma, still waiting for updates on you on your twitter. Hihihi! I couldn’t help but giggle on how handsome you are on your pictures. I know you’re really busy with your business venture on Royal Avenue. Working hard and studying well the aspects of business is good for your blooming business. Good luck CEO Park!

To Kim Hyung Joon, our cute and cuddly maknae, your recent twit on twitter lifted my anxiety. Thank you bebe. I am hoping you’re happy and always enjoying yourself. Your laughter and singing on your program removes all my stress away. Keep smiling and God bless!

Loving the SS501 isn’t difficult to do. Despite the fact that I haven’t been able to attend any fan meetings or concerts of yours yet, it doesn’t mean I love you guys less. If given an opportunity to attend one, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to these 5 awesome guys who touched the hearts of many people with their voices and charming personalities. I know my fellow green peas would also say this; we will always care, love and support you guys.

MY IDEAL SS501 BOYFRIEND ! Weeee!

WHO AMONG SS501 MEMBERS WOULD YOU CHOOSE AS A BOYFRIEND, IF:

1. You are sick...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will not say anything, leave the house and buy medications for you.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will voice out his worry and ask what you need to feel better.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will worry and stay beside you.
d) Park Jung Min, who will worry and call the doctor immediately.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will panic and cry.

2. It's your birthday...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will go to your house with his favorite DVD's about Aliens and watch them with you the whole day.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will give you a surprise dinner on a rooftop.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will take you to a theme-park, ride rides and share a cotton candy with you.
d) Park Jung Min, who will surprise you with an expensive gift.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will take you to a fancy restaurant for dinner.

3. You want to go shopping...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will wait outside the shop until you're done.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will buy anything for you.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will carry your shopping bags and follow you around.
d) Park Jung Min, who will choose clothes for himself.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will choose your clothes for you.

4. You are to celebrate your Anniversary...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will fold paper cranes for all the days you've been together and give them to you.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will rent a music room with a piano and sing for you.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will give you flowers and spend the whole day with you.
d) Park Jung Min, who will rent a restaurant for the night to have dinner and sweet dance with you.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will compose a song and sing it for you.

5. You are sad...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will make you laugh effortlessly, without him knowing it.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will make you smile with his smile.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will hug you tightly without asking what you're sad about.
d) Park Jung Min, who will do everything to make you laugh.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will endlessly ask what made you sad and will aegyo to make you feel better.

6. You are hungry...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will cook ramen or dukboki for you.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will prepare a sumptuous meal for you.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will ask what you want to eat and buy it for you.
d) Park Jung Min, who will find something edible at home and feed you.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will call to order take-out for you.


7. You are mad at him...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will stay quiet and wait until you calm down before saying anything.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will explain quietly and calm you with his charms.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will hug you and apologize.
d) Park Jung Min, who will reason out and bicker with you.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will cry and apologize for the mistake done.

8. You tell him you love him...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will smile sweetly and put his arm around you.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will pull you closer to him and kiss you on the lips.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will say "I love you" back and hug you tightly.
d) Park Jung Min, who will compliment you for you sweetness and say "I love you" back.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will say "I love you" back sweetly and kiss you on the cheek.

9. He tells you he loves you...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will not say it directly but will show it through his actions.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will whisper it in your ear.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will cover his face or look down to shyly say, "I love you".
d) Park Jung Min, who will add a random expression before saying "I love you" ~ ("Oh my goodness... I love you!")
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will say "I love you" in a cute way.

10. You break up with him...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will agree with you and not speak to you ever again.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will show a sad expression and listen to your reasons before doing anything.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will ask what is wrong and suggest to fix it.
d) Park Jung Min, who will walk out on you and cry on a corner, making sure you would not see him.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will cry and beg you to give your relationship another try.

11. You tripped on a sidewalk...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will laugh at you and tell you to stand up.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will smile and offer his hand.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will worry and check if you had any injury.
d) Park Jung Min, who will laugh at you and help you up.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will worry, be beside you and help you up.

12. You are leaving for abroad...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will not express his sadness but will be waiting for your return.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will surprise you and visit you there.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will hug you tightly and tell you that he will miss you.
d) Park Jung Min, who will give you his picture so you wouldn't miss him.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will cry and promise to call you everyday.

13. It's raining and he only has one umbrella...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will force you to use his umbrella, even if he gets wet.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will share his umbrella with you to facilitate skinship.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will share his umbrella with you and make you wear his jacket.
d) Park Jung Min, who will throw his umbrella and get wet under the rain with you.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will forget that he has an umbrella and drag you to a near shade.

14. He has a free day from work...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will invite you over to his house, but tells you that he will rest and that you can rest together.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will take you on an out-of-town trip.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will invite you to a picnic.
d) Park Jung Min, who will give you tickets to a theater show so you can watch together.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will drive around with you.

15. You have a family together...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will be a good provider and will work hard for the family.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will be a great spoiler and a sweet husband.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will be an amazing husband living an ideal traditional family life.
d) Park Jung Min, who will not have children yet to focus on his career and you will be a supportive wife.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will be a cool father and loving husband living a happy family life.

BONUS...

~Before going to bed...
a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will already be asleep because he is tired from working hard.
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will sing you a lullaby to sleep.
c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will cuddle with you before going to bed.
d) Park Jung Min, who will ask you to massage him before sleeping.
e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will lay beside you and tell you about his day.

CREDITS: imonebrat@TripleSPH + Zee@TripleSPH

1. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will voice out his worry and ask what you need to feel better.
- I think I would like to see the concern and thoughtfulness more when I’m sick.
2. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will give you a surprise dinner on a rooftop.
- It seems really romantic. While watching the stars on the sky. Woot!
3. c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will carry your shopping bags and follow you around.
- it would be nice to have him help me with things and voice out his opinions.
4. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will rent a music room with a piano and sing for you.
- I really like the thought of him singing his heart for me. So breathtaking. <3
5. c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will hug you tightly without asking what you're sad about.
- actions really are better than words. And through a comforting hug will be the best thing ever.
6. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will prepare a sumptuous meal for you.
- this seems really nice.
7. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will explain quietly and calm you with his charms.
- explaining things is a good way to settle things.
8. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will pull you closer to him and kiss you on the lips.
- oohh how sweet!
9. a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will not say it directly but will show it through his actions.
- actions speaks louder than words.
10. c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will ask what is wrong and suggest to fix it.
- it shows how much he loves me.
11. e) Kim Hyung Jun, who will worry, be beside you and help you up.
- the perfect and caring boyfriend.
12. c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will hug you tightly and tell you that he will miss you.
- and I will miss him too. 
13. c) Kim Kyu Jong, who will share his umbrella with you and make you wear his jacket.
- what a gentleman! 
14. b) Heo Young Saeng, who will take you on an out-of-town trip.
- quality time enjoyed in the presence of nature.
15. a) Kim Hyun Joong, who will be a good provider and will work hard for the family.
- a guy who loves his family so much. :D
Bonus Question:
b) Heo Young Saeng, who will sing you a lullaby to sleep.
- Young Saeng makes me giggle. 

Gosh, it seems my ideal boyfriend is Young Saeng oppa.