Music or Ragnarok?

It's been quite a while since I had been thinking about this. To pursue on my study for music or continue to play Ragnarok with my friends. It is a very hard choice for me because it is a choice between my dreams and my friends. However I think that if they really want me to be happy then they will understand right?

I maybe asking for too much but I want to let go of everything connected to ragnarok. Maybe I should quite the moderating job and continue with my life. It is the best thing I can do to focus myself and get a move on with Charles.

Music will never leave me behind right? As I will love it as always. :)

Lack of Courage

After sometime of not having to contact you at all. I suddenly had the chance to make it at time to see you online on ym. Sadly, I don't seem to had the courage to talk to you, to buzz and pm you up. I simply don't feel I have such right to talk to you anymore. I don't know why I feel this way.

I am relieved to see you online. Honestly, I really do. However, due to the lack of communication there are so many things that are bothering me now. Besides, I don't want to be a nuisance in whatever you are doing.

I hate to say this but maybe, I got hurt so much that I need more time for myself and avoid you for sometime. That is the most advisable thing that I can do, as others had said to me and I really consider it as a very good option.

I greatly apologize. :(

Hate to Say Goodbye..

It's really been a while since I last heard of you. not a single word or a text from you. Maybe I had set my hopes so high that now I am suffering all this misery and pain. Oh please tell me what really is happening, am I still waiting for something or am just making a fool of myself in continuously loving you? I am not expecting anything else from you, I had always wanted only to do one thing. And that thing is to love you wholeheartedly, not asking anything for return. Tell me, am I so wrong to want that simple thing?!

Despite everything, I would like to see your nice smile and tell myself, "He may not be what I always wanted and wished for, but he is that person that I needed most and can complete me.". It is really true that I haven't felt anything like this to any other person and I know for myself that I really didn't want to do this in the first place. To say goodbye to you and this feelings are the hardest things for me to do, how much I love you, I don't know but I don't want to give up yet. However as time is passing by, you give me every single reason to stop myself from holding on.

My friends may never approve of you, but I really don't care about it. All I want is to have you. No matter how painful or no matter how many tears will fall from my eyes, it does not matter. Though my love for you will never be enough to shoulder all the consequences of your actions or decisions, it will never fade away. As long as the lonely moon is up in the sky, as long as the sweet scent of roses are still in the mist and as long as there is sweet melody in my heart, you will always be a part of my heart and never will fade that easily.

But for now, no matter how it pains me, I must let go and make a big step in my life. I am being too attached to you and it is hard. It brings more and more tears that is too much for me to bear. I do love you so, but if you and I are really meant to be, we will meet in the end right? Thanks for the memories.

Lost Again and Again.. :(

It has been so long since I got the chance to talk to you. God knows how much I miss you and how I love you so dearly. Though I rarely say it to you nor have the courage to say my feelings to you, I make sure that I make you feel that you are one of the most important persons in my life.

Sorrow strikes in again every time I don't have the chance to talk to you. Tears fill my eyes for I am missing you terribly. A simple text, a short chat and a quick glimpse, are enough to make my heart flutter and jump with joy. Still, there is nothing. :(

However, everything seems to be coming an end and confusion strikes in. What am I to you? How long must I wait for you? How much further can I go? Are my sacrifices not enough? These questions start bugging me again for the time I can't contact you.

My friends tell me I should let go of you now. More than ever I had done enough in making you feel how you mean to me. But I just can't. Simply for the reason I do love you a lot. Now I am here to think again, whether to let go or still hold on. I guess this will be a very hard decision for me. :(

I do love you but it seems the sorrows are starting to envelope me now. So am really confused as of the moment. Forgive me.

-`Raspberry [ all confused and hurt. ]

All of these are thoughts and feelings for you.. :(

I wish I could tell you how much I care
but all I can do is sit and stare.
I don't know how to explain this pain
I don't know exactly what sets you apart from the rest
but you've stolen my heart straight from my chest.
It was locked with a key opened only by me
'cause I didn't want to let anyone else in
but I opened it to you and let you in
and again over my mind my heart wins.
A feeling this strong can't be ignored
my heart has been whispering... have you heard?

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When you're not around I can't smile nicely
Since when did I
While unguarded be attracted to you like this
In this ordinary town
I keep on living while cherishing
This irreplaceable feeling
I don't wish for anything else

Summer flower blossomed on that sky
Falls down to earth while dancing with the wind
I was watching it with you, in my dream about us
That moment was for eternity
In this limited time
I also vastly loving only you
I can’t see light falling down from the blue sky anymore
Even if that day will be no more, I will still be loving you

When you’re not around I don’t feel hurt
Me at that time
Becoming used in crying a lot
Everything inside this hand
Is only the warmth besides me
My heart which becomes strong
Can change everything

Summer flower dusted on that sky
Brilliantly stretched dream is
Falling in our heart and wrapped us
That moment was for eternity
In this limited time
I also vastly loving only you
I can’t see light falling down from the blue sky anymore
Even if that smile will be no more, I will still be loving you

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the sweet fragrant blossoms
here in my heart filled with crimson
as the passing time and season
such feelings can't be erased
thoughts of you are there
never to be erased
never to be lost

coz in this cycle called life
i could only love one person
and that is.. You


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these poems reflect the contents of my heart. coz i could never have the courage to say this to him. i love you so much, so much that it really hurts. /kis